34-year-old man with porn addiction, erectile dysfunction, self-doubt due to childbearing difficulties, sexual performance anxiety:
After 9 years of being in a relationship, I realised that I wasn't giving my partner the basic attention, care and help; he couldn't feel like a woman next to me. By focusing only on what was good for me, I did not focus one iota on ensuring that his desires were expressed and fulfilled. I didn't touch, I rejected when I felt I didn't want to do something or make something happen.
Then I was afraid that I was not doing something right, that I was doing him wrong. I was afraid of hurting him, but it was because I was afraid, and I didn't do anything, and I withdrew, that I did the worst in his direction. It was a sick fear and self-doubt that drove my thoughts and actions, instead of myself, instead of acting out my own desires, that I was concerned with his feelings and his person.
During those conversations, I believed and felt all the resignation and rejection I had given her instead of appreciating her wants and needs.
I'm actually lucky that he stuck with me for all this time and didn't stand up for me at the first opportunity when he found that I didn't put him first.
However, for almost a year now intimacy has returned to everyday life; and I myself live my days more assertively and masculinely. Regular time together has also reassured him and strengthened our trust in each other. My stiffness disorder is a thing of the past, I quit porn.
