I am increasingly being asked by the media to give expert interviews to sex therapists on sexual - relationship issues. I will publish some of these. Today, I'll be discussing differences in taste and experimentation. Fanny Magazin article.
What can you fit in?
Experimentation? Obligation? Curiosity? These can all come up when things start to go flat in the bedroom. External influences are inescapable, and not all couples manage to find common ground on what to say yes to and what to say no to. Experimentation guide With sexologist Martina Somorjai.
Today's children are seeing porn for the first time at younger and younger ages, and adults are also watching adult films very often. But it doesn't have to come to this, the world is pervaded by sexuality, with films and books exposing audiences to behaviours that were once confined behind closed bedroom doors. The average person understandably begins to wonder whether they are open enough and how far they should leave their comfort zone. "Passion in almost all relationships flattens over time, however much we may wish otherwise, it is inevitable. It's something to be prepared for. After a while sex becomes less frequent, almost routine, and this can certainly cause problems. As your sense of security grows, your attachment strengthens, your sex drive diminishes. Of course, the partner also feels this, while a new situation or a new person may trigger the libido," warns sexologist Martina Somorjai. But is extreme really the way to go?
No unconditional sexual attraction
Martina Somorjai: How to deal with porn addiction
Romantic ideas are that couples find each other and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, this is a rare occurrence, and it certainly needs to be done. A sexologist experience, if their partner had been a little more willing in bed, many men would not be porn users, prostitutes or stepping out. Unfortunately, many women say no to almost every new idea their partner has. - It is often not a question of unfulfillable expectations, just, for example, of wearing a skirt and high heels or even a wig and leather underwear every now and then. As long as the novelty doesn't hurt, it's worth allowing it, whether it's a foot fetish, an unusual location, the Women dominance - says the sexual therapist expert. Of course, the same goes for men - neglected looks and boring, unimaginative advances are not good for female desire, nor is saying no to every idea a woman has," shares Martina Somorjai expert.
Proactive men, reserved women?
According to the expert's experience, men are the more curious ones, they are the ones who are more likely to suggest trying something new and different in the bedroom (or even outside it).Experimentation often contributes to the happiness of the relationship, as it prevents sex from becoming boring and monotonous for either partner. However, it is important that everyone only does what they feel comfortable doing. The reason for trying new things is not because movies and books tell you to be brave, but because if one of you is uncomfortable, it's not the way to happiness," says the expert.
For women, it is still true that they are raised to be much more reserved, unaware of their own desires, of their bodies, not knowing where their erogenous zones are, not knowing what would excite them or bring them to climax - perhaps that is why they are less likely to come up with innovative ideas and why they automatically say no to unusual proposals. If you don't dare, you can mention that you saw it in a film, read about it in a book or heard someone talk about it. But communication is not only important in this direction. If your partner brings up something that doesn't fit, say no firmly and clearly! In fact, it's also true that no is always no, and both parties can change their minds in the meantime - warns Martina Somorjai.
It's not strange to want the unusual!
Martina Somorjai: How to deal with porn addiction
Think about it, in a monogamous relationship, you go to bed with the same person for decades. But together we can try new things, right? - As much as ego is a problem in a relationship for men, the pursuit of perfection is a problem for women. Basically, ego is a problem for women too, it just manifests itself differently. They tend to see themselves as doing a lot for the relationship and being better than men, so the man should just change in everyday life and they themselves don't want to make the extra effort in sex. In fact, both parties have to. A perfect woman, for example, in not being perfect, as strange as that may sound. And that brings you closer to openness.
Let's listen to each other!
Many women and men are already reluctant to listen to each other's ideas and fantasies, even though they could enrich their sex lives.If a woman wants to share what she finds attractive, it's worth listening. It could even be the start of a new adventure together! Even if it's not something she's willing to do, listen to it as if you were a friend. If you feel hurt, you can tell a friend or professional later how you made her feel, but a supportive listening will strengthen the relationship. However, of course, uncomfortable ideas should be rejected. It is not uncommon for women to have unusual needs, which are also worth sharing with their partner, and men are often very happy to do so. The important thing is to keep it to two separate conversations, so that everyone can keep an eye on things.
Useful taboos
A taboo is like a cliché, it is said the way it is because it is true. And although the sexual therapist expert says it's worth pushing the boundaries, but there are lines that should not be crossed. - A monogamous man in love should not be involved in a threesome, because it will only make him sick. It is also true that a man of monogamous nature does not want to see his partner with another man. A relationship that is only half-open, that is, only one party can step aside, will not be happy for long. Anything that causes serious injury, either physically or psychologically, is forbidden," says the sexologist.
