Many people are chomping at the bit Tóth Gabi phenomenon, waving a wand at her, as if she had committed some blatant atrocity, when there is something even more sinful than cheating. Yet we don't talk about it. Something that has ruined a lot of relationships. Something so insidious that it hides behind the lines, under the sheet. Before you know it, your happy marriage is over. Before I expose the nature of this relationship-destroying thing, I'll first unveil Gabi Tóth's judgmentalism. I'm going to analyse the snake and the frog. Trolls, you're dead now!
Who are the people throwing mud at Gabi Tóth now? What type of people?
- Men who are male chauvinists who themselves cheat on their women. They are deeply outraged and shocked that a woman would dare to do the same. How dare you? They think that cheating is the prerogative of men. When they comment angrily about Gabi Tóth, they are not really angry at her, but at the male hegemony she has publicly embraced and shattered.
- Men who subconsciously feel that they are not performing well in their relationship, even if they are outwardly putting on an act. They are terrified that suddenly their woman will open their eyes, meet a nicer or sexier man and step aside. Gabi Tóth is a threat to them, because she sets an example that women are not obliged to remain faithful to their husbands for the sake of their children. Every celebrity sets an example that others can refer to later.
- Women who want to have an affair or keep a mistress, go with what comes with it, but don't. So they are terribly embarrassed that other women do it, and even take it up in public. It reminds them that they have not taken action on something they secretly longed for. They are subconsciously jealous.
- Empathy-less monogamous people who cannot understand, if they never desire anyone other than their wife/husband, how it is possible that another verbn. It's amazing!!! it's not human, it's instinct - animal!!!
- Most rare is the percentage of commenters who have a good relationship, but still call out Gabi Tóth or anyone else who has ever been found to have had an affair. They do this because they are sexually virtuous and expect others to be too. If they can resist something, then others should resist it too. I consider only contributions from this group to be acceptable and legitimate. Their purpose in commenting is to educate others morally. So their motivation is good, their example is good, and therefore what they post is acceptable. As long as their morality extends not only to gender but to other aspects of life, they are unlikely to be malicious trolls. They are only gently warning.
However, victims do not become victims by accident in some cases. Many people give in to infidelity because of their partner's behaviour. I will not list the possible reasons that everyone is already familiar with. Just the one I mentioned in the introduction. This is not the example of Gabi Tóth, as I do not know her, nor her husband. It is about a common, widespread and frequent sin, which is shockingly common not only in sexuality, but also in other areas. It is even mentioned in the BTK.
This is the sin of omission.
When you know you should do something for the other person. But you don't.
When he mentions it several times, he regrets the lack of it. For example, sex. When he says nothing, but you yourself know that this is a couple relationship with certain marital obligations. But no one should expect anything from you. You are an independent, free, self-possessed soul. So let your partner accept you as you are. You've been avoiding love for 3 months now.and you're not sick? It's okay, it's normal in a long relationship that you don't want each other so often.
What is 3 months, half a year, a year without sex? Come on. The Gezas next door don't even have sex anymore. All the stress, the rush, there's never time for cuddling! What's that stupid sexologist saying? I'll find someone who says different. Someone who doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. Come on, Clare, put your head on my shoulder and let's watch this film together - why sex? We love each other enough as it is.
A year from now:
Klári, you bitch! You cheated on me with Géza!!!! And I gave you everything! Everything!
No, Peter. You didn't give Klari everything. You didn't give her the most important thing that makes a woman feel like a woman. What do you think a relationship is about? Behaving with your lover like a buddy? You can also watch a film with your mates and smoke or drink a beer and eat crisps. You can also go on a trip with your friends, or visit a museum. You can hug the people you love, just like you hug Clare. What's the difference between Klári and your mates? Nothing, it seems. Same treatment. Then what makes her feel like your girl, your woman, your sweetheart? You can't even fuck her properly. Because sometimes you give him a little pretend fuck, of course. You interrupt a little pity party. You don't even notice that she doesn't enjoy sex with you. And then you wonder why she had an affair? What did you do to make sure she didn't? Do you think how humiliating is it for a woman to be able to have intercourse with you only with medicine? How much are you damaging his self-esteem?
Very rarely do I hear a woman or man who has been cheated on say: 'I deserved it'. It's my fault. Because I neglected her.
(If that is what happened, and the person stepped aside for no other reason. I won't go into that now.)
The social perception also makes the willingness to take responsibility worse.
The cuckolded, cuckolded party will be cuddled and supported.
The misleader, who might just be
- tired of all the humiliation
- tired of all the omissions
- who vainly clamoured for quality and quantity of sex
- who asked her husband in vain to fix it its potential
and you'll be the evil bitch. In the eyes of the people.
So the next time you hear any kind of cheating story, take a moment to stop judging. And think. You don't know what the reason for the change of partner was, because there are many possible versions. I've presented the one, with several sides to it, that is close to my heart. One I've been preaching for years. For me, it's my sticking point: neglect, sexual neglect. If it took me this long to explore this one possible cause, how complicated can the others be?
