Many are involved in the attraction to perversions, paraphilias, extreme things or situations, extremes. The most common is BDSM, which is an umbrella term for "bondage-discipline, dominance-abjection and sadism-masochism". In practice, fetishism has also been included. As long as it's pleasurable and mutually satisfying for both parties, there's no problem with it per se. BDSM is a good spice to spice up a normal sex life.
BDSM can also be a way of life, which can heal psychological wounds and wounds. It is in no way reprehensible - if all the circumstances are right, from the consensus of the parties to the responsible attitude of the dominant party. However, its initiation requires prior research and preparation, as some forms of it are seriously dangerous.
https://hu.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM
A problem with BDSM is when
- the individual feels intense shame about his or her "abnormal tendency", which leads to a linear progression of self-esteem problems, culminating in guilt
- the individual is not able to live this desire, to acknowledge it in front of his or her partner, which causes anxiety and role conflict
- as a consequence of the foregoing, they become distant and sexually estranged from their partner,
- unconsciously angry at his partner, who cannot be himself in front of him, so he criticises and blames him for every little thing
- as a further consequence, it seeks a solution in secret external relationships, which can lead to further problems and eventually to divorce. Exceptions are when the vanilla partner knows about his partner's perversion and gives permission for it to be lived out, or when the relationship is open
- the individual can only and exclusively achieve sexual arousal and satisfaction through BDSM play. This is what I have seen most often in my practice so far. BDSM is as addictive as a drug.
Sweeping instinct under the carpet is unnecessary and can even be harmful. The longer the desire is suppressed, the more it can erupt at the most unexpected moment. Whereas, if we talk about it, it is easier to keep it in check, to maintain control.
Please contact me if you are affected by any of the above or any of the following:
- concern about distorting the personality by devoting oneself to a particular paraphilia
- inability to quit corkage
- past traumas, childhood imprinting, first sexual experiences that prevent the development and maintenance of a normal, paraphilia-free (vanilla) relationship
More: perversion, paraphilia, fear
