Good sex requires emotional intelligence - finally a role model

To have good sex, you need emotional intelligence, so I always develop the EQ of my sex therapists. However, I was in trouble for not knowing for a long time role model to show: someone to emulate. And imitation is one of the fastest ways to learn. I have recommended film characters: for men, for example, "When a man really loves". But this is a fictional role, not an authentic one. Then, unexpectedly, luck smiled on me and I found a living role model: the Olympic athlete Dávid Tóth.

I don't usually watch reality shows, but I'm very interested in shows about partying and love. I've been following The Bachelor practically since the first series. Dávid Tóth's treatment of women and how it was presented in the media was a pleasant surprise. So much so that I could breathe a sigh of relief: finally a man who is a living example of what an emotionally highly intelligent man can be.

Emotional Intelligence - EQ

What is emotional intelligence and why is it so important in sex?

Briefly defined, an emotionally intelligent person is characterised by:

1. Recognise, perceive and become aware of their own feelings.
2. It communicates its feelings.
3. Recognising, sensing and being aware of the other person's feelings.
4. You are willing to communicate about the other person's feelings and take them into account.
5. He tries to make decisions based on his own feelings and those of his partner that are mutually beneficial. If this is not possible, he or she will at least represent his or her own interests, while keeping in mind impressions and information about the other person.

Why is all this important in sex?

In order tosomeone free to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh…

1. First of all the need to identify your own feelings, desires and thoughts. -> Dávid Tóth regularly asks the women on the show how they feel about him in general and in particular. It's important to him that the women feel comfortable and that only those who have already started to feel some kind of attraction towards him stay on the show. Encouraging women to take up the challenge their own feelings, whether positive or negative. He himself expresses his feelings. Honest, even if it is hurtful. -> "I have to think now" - he leaves Evelyn on the date. And rightly so. Because even if he offends his partner in the moment, he remains loyal and self-identified, so he can join Evelin later with a clear head, a thoughtful mind and a lighter heart. Whereas if one is not honest and does not take responsibility for oneself, if one imposes something on oneself in a relationship out of good humour or cowardice, one will resent the person who made one not give oneself. It is obvious that David takes the reality of finding a partner seriously, that he really wants to find his partner, and that is why he keeps bringing up the subject of emotions - sometimes also of the "love" - again and again. unpleasant - topics. You have certainly experienced that people are conflict-averse, not honest - David forces the display of feelings (sometimes really over the top, by the way), thus steering the developing relationships to a higher level. That's all that matters, if you have a partner with a high EQ: there's no talking past him, you have to evolve with him.

2. Secondly in order to be able to enjoy sex freely, it is necessary to set your own boundaries. This is mostly the weakness of women. They tend to forget about themselves and serve men in bed, which results in sexual spasms, low libido, lack of orgasms, self-hatred, and hatred of men. –> Álompartnernek tűnik Annabella. Minden szép és minden jó, soha nincs konfliktus. Dávid megérzi, hogy Annabella meg akar felelni neki, és ennek nem örül. Ez is a magas EQ jele: észreveszi, hogy a másiknak megfelelési kényszere van. És míg a legtöbb alacsony EQ-jú férfit ez nem zavarja, sőt inkább kihasználja, David does not. He's not asking for good treatment, he's asking for honesty.

3. Thirdly, to experience sexual pleasure in a liberated way, it is important to be attuned to your partner, which will not happen without a high level of emotional intelligence. This requires attention, genuine interest in the other, devotion and a desire to give. This is typically a weakness for men. Many people tend to think that if they are aroused, so is their partner. If they enjoy the act, so does she. How come the woman doesn't come when they're already gone? She has had just as much time! So there is a lack of empathy and empathy for the other person's situation, without which we cannot talk about emotional intelligence.

In sex, it is common that the partners do not say anything to each other, so you are forced to read each other's moans, twitches, muscle tensions. This requires attention, which is becoming increasingly difficult for today's internet-mobile-Facebook-video-game-porn-addicted humanity. So the death of sex is predictable.

So I'm glad I found a good example of a man with high EQ. Kayaker Dávid Tóth, who you only need to watch one episode of The Great Him to know about. TV2play to gain an insight into the behaviour of the emotionally high male. David embraces himself: not to be perfect, but to be true to himself. Those who embrace what the cult of the strong man = macho (wrongly, by the way) considers to be human weaknesses: sometimes insecure, not afraid to accept help and willing to listen to counsellors, initially enjoying the polygamy of the show, but later tiring of it.

To sum up: emotional intelligence means , means too, that the individual admits his/her own positive and negative feelings, communicates them courageously and honestly, but respecting a certain limit, and if he/she hurts his/her partner, takes responsibility for it + senses the other's positive or negative feelings, unexpressed emotions, emotions, emotions, and emotions, clarifies them verbally, until both parties are relieved. To do this, you certainly need 4 qualities: courage, eloquence, humility and empathy.

You won't read anywhere how humility is essential for EQ, but it's obvious. And which is why EQ is difficult terrain for many men: the notorious male goat won't let! David is an excellent example of how you don't always have to play the tough, macho daredevil, the village bull. Without courage there is no humility. Did you know? It takes a lot of courage to dare to say to a woman as a man: I don't know, I'm not sure, I don't even know myself exactly how I feel about you, this happened with the other woman, this happened with the other woman.. Instead, it is easier to be a coward, a liar.

Repressed, repressed intense emotions weigh heavily on the psyche - the weight of serious secrets weighs on the soul. Again, the basic quality of a person with high EQ is courage and outspokenness. I deliberately did not write the word honest here because it can be misunderstood. To clarify: as stated in How to deal with porn addiction my book As I wrote in the Golden Rules of Relationship, you don't have to tell your partner every move you make and share your whole day with them. It's a lust and sex killer. Little secrets play an important role. But anything that weighs on the soul like a heavy burden is better discussed and cleared up.

Images taken from TV2 website. https://www.facebook.com/anagyotv2, https://www.facebook.com/anagyotv2