Iocaste syndrome: when a mother is in love with her son
I am increasingly being asked by the media to give expert interviews to sex therapists on sexual - relationship issues. I will publish some of these.
I facilitated this interview
In this common relationship-family tragedy, everyone loses. The man in love loses
, who is wife ignores you after the birth of their son. Losing the wife
who is being abandoned by her partner. Losing the male child
, who his mother's love of monkeys, Iocasté syndrome he can't get laid. But if he does, the relationship is ruined by the mother. The woman who falls in love with a man who has already been hitched by his own mother loses 
for herself.
A thousand years old, a story repeated, yet taboo. Taboo because the mother is holy.
It's so taboo that even though this addiction has had a name since 1930, you've never heard of it. Just like you never heard that like all addictions, it can be treated effectively. It is not only the man who is emotionally blackmailed and therefore unable to have a relationship or a sex life, but also his mother who needs to see a specialist. Before it's too late. Because it happens that the already grown-up male child suddenly bursts into a rage and it can even escalate to matricide
.
My last sentence was too long for the Fanny – az én lapom. But everything else is in my expert interview published today. It is extremely important for everyone to read it, because in this heartbreaking
tragedy can affect anyone: father, mother, son, child
, girlfriend of adult son and child
Here is the article:
When the mother becomes the wife
When a mother and her son are too close, and this continues into adulthood, it is bound to interfere with the man's relationships. But could it be that the mother is actually almost in love with her son? There may be much more to it than the "evil mother-in-law" and "mummy's little boy" jokes.
The case of a male child becoming overly attached to his mother as an adult is a common theme in films, books, forums and psychological clinics. The Oedipus syndrome, which roughly translates as a son in love with his mother, is a phenomenon that many have heard of. In the 1930s, research began to look at the reverse: the Iocaste syndrome, named after Oedipus' mother, is an abnormally close attachment, an addiction, on the mother's side, which can destroy the adult male's relationships and sex life.
More than a meddling mother-in-law
You can be dependent on many things, and this also applies to human relationships.A woman finally meets a nice, decent man. It's a bit odd that she has to go to her mother's for lunch on Sundays, but that's acceptable. After the introduction, when they are sitting together at the table, she feels as if the mother-in-law is rivaling her. More and more, he cancels the date because he has to run an errand for his mother. It may not even be until they move in together that she finds out that a phone call every night is mandatory. The long-awaited holiday is then ruined when the mother suddenly falls ill. By then, it may be clear to most women that there are three of them in the relationship," explains Martina Somorjai sexologist.
Male child as a substitute for a husband
It's almost a miracle that a relationship can be established with such a mother, who does her best to sabotage her son's attempts to find happiness with another woman.The newcomer is a rival who wants to steal the mother's thunder. Mothers who see their son as a partner overprotect the man, isolating him from the outside world and potential wife candidates. Many add: neither woman can be trusted. Thus, grown-up, often very good sons are not motivated to get to know each other, often still living with their mothers or at least going to her house for food and clean clothes. This is also part of the trap, because at the beginning of the relationship a woman may like her future partner to respect her mother in this way. But it soon becomes clear that the man has low self-confidence, does not take the initiative, often leaves the choice of programme to the woman and often has very little sexual experience. And sometimes he thinks women are so bad that he even goes to prostitutes, with respect only for his mother (a phenomenon known as the Madonna-whore complex)," says the sexual therapist expert.
How does a mother become a partner?
The bond between mother and newborn is emotional and hormonal. If the attachment becomes too close, the balance will shift and the mother will fall in love with her son rather than her husband. - Iocasté syndrome is of course even more common when the father is not in the picture in the first place. But in both cases, it is true that the classic strong, controlling father figure is missing, who would demand love and attention for himself and sometimes take the little boy away from the mother. This dysfunction is not only the fault of the mothers, but also of the absent fathers," underlines sexologistIf the mother has or will have a relationship, she will not really love it, because she is already in love with her own son. This adds to the problem, as the son grows up knowing that men in relationships are always wrong, and the mother may even share details of her relationship with the child that do not belong to her,about his sex life. Remember, this kind of motherly love is actually abuse!
Who was Iocaste?
Iocaste is a character from the ancient Greek saga of Thebes, the mother of Oedipus, who, together with her husband Laius, received a prophecy that their son would kill his father and marry his mother. To avoid this fate, the newborn was abandoned on a mountainside. The child did not die, however, and the prophecy was finally fulfilled, and in a chance encounter the young man did indeed kill his father and marry his mother, with whom he had four children. When, in order to lift a curse, the young king set out to find Laius' killer and end the curse, his wife supported him all the way. When Oedipus finally realised that he had been looking for himself, he was blinded by guilt and Iocaste committed suicide.
What does the boy have to cope with?
The counterpart of the Iocaste syndrome is the Oedipus syndrome, which describes a son in love with his mother, but the two do not necessarily go together. Still, the man suffers when his mother is so closely dependent on him. - The consequences are severe. Relationship problems, erectile dysfunction, low sex drive, premature ejaculation, guilt about sex, sex as a taboo, misogyny, repressed aggression," says the sexologist. - Addiction destroys both people's lives, which is why it must be combated. It is also worthwhile for the man to seek professional help, if only because if he realises too late that the mother is preventing him from finding his partner, he may be overcome by unbridled anger and rage. This can lead to matricide.
Being a mother instead of a partner
If the mother has Iocaste Syndrome, both parties are seriously damaged.Avoid it, love your husband more than your child, it's healthy. If you don't have a partner, be open to a new relationship. However, as it is an addiction, unfortunately there is not much chance for a mother to get rid of it on her own. If you suspect it, you should seek the help of a psychologist who also works with addiction or a specialist in co-dependency. It may also be useful to do a Hellinger family reconstruction, which can reveal family problems that go back several generations and are not consciously known. It may be good news that addiction can be reversed. The mother can find hobbies, companionship, volunteer work and other goals for her life. Unfortunately, if she doesn't treat herself, she will live in perpetual anxiety and growing insecurity, terrified of one day losing her son," advises sex therapist Martina Somorjai.
Thank you for the Fanny – az én lapom a brave, bold leader, B’Molnár Márkfor bringing in this sensitive issue and putting it front page news. Thank you to my interviewer, Patkó Ágnesthat you have taken up this subject with courage, because it is useless to know about a painful phenomenon if we dare not even name it. It is called Iocaste Syndrome. We may not have changed the world with this article, but if we have helped a few people, a few mothers, it is worth it. 
