I don't help just anyone
I don't help just anyone. Many people are under the misconception that a therapist, a sex therapist, is happy to help anyone who comes to them. This is not the case at all.
I recently turned down two potential Potential Programme buyers. I didn't sell them the PoP, so I was short by 600.000 Ft.
I have also advised people against consultation. Or I have not even accepted certain people in the first place. All this is a loss of revenue.
None of this mattered. For me, one thing matters: that only and only people of goodwill, with good intentions, who want to do good, experience my effective help. Others should not get it from me, because not everyone deserves the value.
The world is made up not only of people who deserve help, but also of people who do not deserve help.
From the beginning, I was worried about what would happen if I was approached by undeserving people. It is important to me that I do not help in any way evil, malicious, vile, sneaky, despicable, indifferent, neglectful, etc. Especially not narcissists or psychopaths. I don't consider it ethical to help the evil ones because they will do more harm to others with the techniques I have taught them. Why should I boost the confidence of a monster? Why enable him to have sex if he then uses that ability to rape or otherwise abuse women/children? Such a person is better off impotent if he remains addicted to porn. Better for him and better for the world.
I have always had serious ethical concerns about this.
After all, I cannot know in advance who is a good person and who is a bad person.
That's why I'm filtering. As much as I can. It's not easy, because everyone can be fooled, even a good sex therapist who knows people. All I can do is ask God for help and guidance. I ask for God's blessing on my work: on those who are good people. People who deserve to be okay.
And at the same time, I ask you to keep the evil ones away from me. Or, if they do come into my street, let them dislike me and get out quickly.
It works.
If they do not leave, I ask God for the grace of recognition: to discern who is wrong, who is undeserving. And to send them away to warmer climes, so that in life they will never think of coming back.
This also works.
I communicate in a rude and primitive way with people who have probably earned the title of "the lowest of humanity" elsewhere. They are the ones who get to know a side of me that they would not expect from a kind, helpful therapist. I'll tell anyone off if I have to. I'll confront them with their low, malicious behaviour, their nastiness, their rudeness if you like. And I do it by sinking to his level. Because this is the way I have found to be effective. With a more primitive, instinctive person, it's useless to be nice and polite. They don't understand a word.
It is unnecessary to be good in such situations.
Compared to them, it is completely unnecessary. You don't have to be good to the bad.
Just as forgiveness is not always and at all costs.
Trolls, malicious trolls are a separate issue. While they can only harm a few people - those they come into contact with - online commentators can harm a wide range of people. They influence other readers. By pulling down valuable content that they do not like - and in many cases are likely to be personally sensitive to them - they negatively manipulate the readers who follow them. They prevent them from receiving useful information that could, in many cases, save a couple's life. They deprive the general public of something that could be useful. The most effective way to do this is to discredit the person from whom the valuable thought or comment comes. so they are not giving constructive criticism to what the experts have to say. But they seriously damage the reputation of the experts: they say that they are "not experts", "don't know anything about it", "anyone can be a sex therapist now?", etc. They don't dare use words like "quack" - all because they disagree with something, and it particularly pains them that someone has dared to say it. In many cases, they make degrading remarks about the appearance and intelligence of the expert, and if it's a sexologist, they even start to push the sex life in one direction or the other (this must be a sex maniac this must be frigid, fucking..nám <-> etc.) If it's not the only person promoted by the media, they'll be indignantly sputtering "another unknown newcomer"? In other words, they take it personally and, in the meantime, constantly damage the reputation of sexologists, all this - if it cannot be traced who did it - with impunity and without consequences. While the expert has just put value on the table - value: something they have probably never put on the table, so they do not even value the word, let alone what is behind it. Troll is too nice a euphemised word for them: they are evil. They are pests. I respond to these evil people in the same style they comment. Nice and easy. No problem.
Of course, they are always surprised.
What did they expect?
That the therapist is a coward? Who has no mouth? Who silently endures all injustice?
Who communicates in sophisticated terms while the vermin troll's choice of words would make even the driver blush? No, no. As is the adjon god, so is the bet god.
I will not be nice to bullies or people who want to take advantage of me. Nor with anyone who is rudely abusive to his wife/husband. Here are two examples.
I did not sell the PoP Potential Program© to a 55 year old wealthy Scot who wrote to me sharing his problems and asking me questions instead of paying the nominal £5,000 for a PoP consultation. Does that make me look stupid? I wrote to him and he said 'it is obvious that you cannot help me'. Well, people like him, who are arrogant, financially damaging to women, and who rip off professionals, have probably treated women in exactly the same way all their lives, and deserve to be virgins at 60 and partially impotent all their lives.
I did not sell the PoP to a Hungarian who was not able to pay for the HUF 5,000 consultation with a card, so I had to administer it separately and correspond with him extra. At the consultation it turned out that he has not performed in bed for 25 years, but his "wife doesn't mind". Of course, it doesn't bother him, or you are just infinitely self-centred and have zero empathy. He promised to report back in 2 days, but he didn't. Then, when I asked him to send me the error message that made him unable to pay by card at my place, he replied nothing, nothing at all, although it was important, because the card malfunction caused me to lose HUF 941,000 in December - that's how many people were unable to pay by card... Then he appeared 2 weeks later to ask for the PoP. He, who was unable to help me when I was running extra laps for him. I blamed him, his reply was.And I'll take the indignant, lecturing tone, because I'm the customer." Hahh.
And I'm the seller, and I decide who I want to sell it to.
Because not only are you doing me a favour by buying from me, but I'm also doing you a favour by having developed something that will finally help you, through a lot of hard work, expertise and diligence. Guess how much time, theoretical and practical knowledge it took to develop the PoP Potency Program© or How to deal with porn addiction - A guide for addicts, their partners and parents of teenage children writing the book.
Special mention should be made of the very large group of people who want to financially drain the therapy, who tell their problems at length on the contact form without prior notice.
I recently posted this in the Contact menu:
BEFORE YOU WRITE ANYTHING:
I don't bet on just anyone. I only want to help people who deserve it. Who doesn't deserve it? For example, someone who uses a form like this to describe their problem at length instead of asking for an appointment in 1-2 sentences.
DO NOT DO THIS.
You don't work outside working hours, do you? Me neither.
And it won't be sympathetic if you share your problem unsolicited.
—
Some people understood and wrote a really concise email. But there was one woman who wrote at length about being raped several times. What are people who cannot keep such boundaries thinking? You are already venting, you are already in therapy, and we have not even started working together. He was disrespectful, but he'd expect respect in return. He was relieved for free, he gave of himself: what he wanted, he got. I don't even read these anymore. I'm not the one you should relieve by writing a letter. Take advantage of the free "Doctor replies" column in the newspapers!
And how many are there. Who want to take advantage of you. Because it is. It would make you work for free. If I let you.
They don't even think that a compassionate, sensitive therapist will immediately empathise with their tragedy. Which is fine within a well-defined framework. Wednesday 16-16:50. You can tell me then. Then I'm prepared to hear some sad things. But when I'm not at work, I try to tune out all the tragedy and pain I hear. At such times, I certainly don't want someone to turn it back on without asking. It's not so easy to disconnect from all the horrible things I hear. So weekends or holidays are incredibly important.
Of course, some people do not respect this either. Human selfishness is infinite. I'm on leave until 15 Feb. Someone ordered an e-book, and the answer automatically goes out. The reply email tells you exactly where to click to get the book. The person wrote to me that he had not received the book, only this reply email.(?) He received my automatic reply that I was on holiday. Then he wrote again that he would withdraw the money from the bank, and he charged me with fraud. The modern illiterate. Unable to interpret text that says the book does not come as an attachment.
Never a problem is difficult that I encounter. It's the person. The personality. Because the former can be changed. You can't change the latter.
So evil people, avoid! Far, far away!
