I am increasingly being asked by the media to give expert interviews on sex - relationship issues. I will publish some of them. Today's topic is fat men in bed. Fanny Magazin article.
Fat man in bed or fat man with a bombshell?
Think of how many times we see seriously obese men next to beautiful, visibly giving women. And how often do we see it the other way round? Why is it that women so often overlook the neglect of their partner? Why is it that only one party is allowed to be fat?
There are many areas of life where women and men have different standards to meet, and in most cases the standard is higher for women. A series of internet memes illustrate the expectation that women should be the perfect mother, perform at work, have a sparkling home and even maintain their figure and youth to ensure they are desirable to their partner. For the couple who, in the meantime, grow a "fatherly" belly. - In fact, an obese man should not be surprised if his partner no longer wants him or even leaves him - warns Martina Somorjai sexologist. Many women don't dare criticise their husbands' looks, or if they do, he won't listen, so it's easier to run off with the muscular plumber.
How do we get there?
- When a man and a woman meet, they fall in love with each other's looks. Let's say the man has a normal, average build. Over time, if he gains weight, why does he assume that she will desire him in the same way, find him just as attractive? Men's looks are important to women too, they just aren't trumpeted in the media, The issue of the male penis is taboo. A good example is a national trainer active on social media, whose posts about men's weight loss are not liked by anyone, unlike the one about women's weight loss," he says Martina Somorjai sexologist expert.
As beauty ideals change, women are trying to adapt, to achieve the board-thin girlish or muscularly slim figure they are looking for. But it is much harder to maintain a woman's shape than a man's. Men have no reason to be obese. They have no pregnancy, no hormonal changes, a faster metabolism, more muscle mass and are more physically active. And they have more time to spend on themselves. Yet they and the modern oppression of women, a great tool of social double standards, are blamed for women carrying a few extra kilos," says sexologist., whereas a woman looks good with extra kilos, because her breasts and buttocks are growing, which sends a strong sexual message: men never look good with the same. It is also a double standard that as much as women are expected to be thin, the image of a thin man is negatively perceived. Even the terminology is degrading: thin for women, skinny for men.
Beer belly is not attractive!
We are not all the same, and that is fine. It's not the same who likes what shape, some men are attracted to men with a more tedious build, just as some men prefer to pick out women with a rounder build.- But the obesity of men is not attractive, just as you might think that no one wants to go to bed with a man who is unkempt. A big belly reminds women of pregnant women, which is repulsive. Not to mention the fact that a beer belly takes away the possibility of cuddling, as if it were involuntarily keeping the woman away, and it doesn't make sex any easier. When a man complains that his wife is not having enough sex, the first thing he should think about is whether everything is okay with his appearance. Women are demanding, even if they may not say so," says Martina Somorjai sex therapist.
Women are stepping aside too!
When a woman finds that while she's doing her best to look her best at the cost of a lot of sacrifice, time and energy, the man next to her would rather have another helping at every meal, it's no wonder she gets angry. - We think women put up with everything men do, but that's not really the case! There is a female ego, although we tend to sweep it under the carpet. If a man is no longer attractive, but still does nothing despite his partner's pleas, she will say no, and it is not uncommon for her to find someone attractive elsewhere. Female infidelity is also taboo, but it does exist and is much more common than we think," she says Martina Somorjai sexologist.
So it's time to start expecting men to take care of themselves in addition to housework and child-rearing - if only because, although many men reassure themselves that others are overweight, when obesity causes impotence, diabetes, heart attacks, premature death, it's too late - warns Martina Somorjai sex therapist.
Many men secretly like plump women
At any age, there is a certain ideal of beauty that we either can and want to live up to or not. But there's another side to the story. "I've had many clients where the man was in a relationship with a model woman and the sex didn't work out. As it turned out, it was because he was actually attracted to rounder, more feminine women, but because the trend is for thinness, he didn't want to be seen with one. So these men were cheating the woman with the 'perfect' look for the woman they really wanted. And in doing so, they caused both women serious problems, self-worth issues, and even cervical cancer for the neglected woman. I've treated a woman who was unwanted by her partner and was on the verge of illness. Fortunately, the process was reversed during therapy and her findings improved. Cervical cancer and other gynaecological cancers can also be caused by sexual neglect, - warns Martina Somorjai sexologist.
How to tell your boyfriend to lose weight?
There are serious discussions on social media about the right way women should look, with pundits explaining what they should look like in different situations. In contrast, men, even in the privacy of their own couple at home, hardly dare to mention that they should pay a little more attention to themselves. But there's no need to worry, just tell him openly to change," she suggests. Martina Somorjai sex therapist expert, who says that if women were more honest with men, their sexual satisfaction would increase, making relationships stronger. This, of course, requires humility from men, which is a symbol of strength, rather than ego.
